it's best just to sit in chairs

to eat when hungry, to sleep and rise and work. But we have all been there. Chairs are for people, and you're not sure if you are one. -No One Belongs Here More Than You

when you're just doing things and saying things and not thinking about whether they're true or false or what they will mean later once you're back. you're going through, like cutting through or shining through straight in a line but its a glowing line. i don't know if you hit anything i think you can just slice through everything. you're watching yourself, sort of like you have some dissociative disorder, but not. because its normal. because we're all on a spectrum and sometimes this happens to everyone. people write it out all the time, they write about watching. miranda says its like holding a cup of dream and moving gracefully so nothing spills out. you really want to keep the whole dream, it wont make sense without a piece of it. or if you're not sure what you are. you don't really care though. you just keep saying things so nothing spills out or breaks away.

every day is ice cream and chocolate cake

I was thinking of how by the time somebody is an adult, you just assume they have been through a lot in their life and they have experiences under their belt and they have dealt with terrible situations and have had good times and bad times and hard times and easy times. like by the time someone has grown children youre thinking "wow, that person started off working x job and worked themselves up to y and has raised z amount of children and had to deal with a, b, and c and look at them now." im sure thats true of almost everyone, but i'm wondering if i can get through my entire life without anything bad happening to me. i wouldnt have any wisdom to pass down to my grandchildren, but itd make for a pretty nice life. i hope i didn't just jinx myself.

i never thought i'd be here

i think all my summers are mostly the same.

creativity and bad words

i just watched a talk by elizabeth gilbert on creativity. she wrote eat, pray, love in case you forgot. anyways, she was talking about creativity and creative people and why they all end up with addictions, depressions, or dead at a young age. she was sort of joking when she said it's probably the stress of situations similar to what she experienced "aren't you afraid that your best work is behind you? that you'll never write another book as popular as eat, pray love?" anyways, the ancient romans believed that genius and creativity were spirits that visited a person periodically, or maybe just once. so if a person wrote something amazing or painted something gorgeous nobody expected that it would happen again, they just got lucky. and if something wasn't so great, well, it wasn't all their fault. and one poet named ruth whose last name i can't exactly remember, said that a poem would come racing by her, and she would race to grab a pencil and paper to write it down as it zipped through her, but if she was busy, or couldn't get to writing materials in time, it would go past her in search of another poet to write it down. i guess a composer said something similar, that compositions would come to him, and sometimes he'd get frustrated and yell "can't you see i'm driving? go bother somebody else, or come back when i can write you down if you want to be created!" i thought it was funny, that multiple creative people personify creativity. and i like elizabeth gilbert.

also, who wants to know what i'm excited for? too bad, it's my blog, so i get to tell you anyway!

1) ethiopia. one thing i am not excited for regarding this trip is the possible situation in which i will have to wear a one-piece bathing suit. they are not comfortable, and they look weird on me. but aside from one-pieces, i'm pretty excited for a month in africa. plus i love airports and airplanes. and my favorite traveling feeling is going to the airport early in the morning when it's still dark. cause then you pass houses and people on the way and think "you're just sleeping, but i'm going to africa today."

2) the heartbreaking work of a staggering genius. i needed book, so i ordered it on half, and it was definitely a meant to be situation, because the seller got it to me in like, one and a half days. i hope its good.

3) the consolations of philosophy. i ordered that on half too, because i saw it recommended on metafilter, and that place is almost never wrong. it's supposed to take the ideas of the great philosophers and apply it to everyday situations and problems.

4) barefoot contessa. i love waking up to a newly recorded episode of that show. ina garten is pretty ridiculously weird, especially her name, which i originally thought was a joke, like somebody trying to write "in a garden" in a funny way. but even though she is weird and says "how bad can that be?" way too often, i like watching her make seriously gourmet food. plus the filming is great - i never thought i'd see salt so close up.

5) my new spinny craft organizer thing. i got it at michaels and it was on super clearance just because one tiny drawer in it was broken and i can superglue that so fast it will not even be an issue. i am going to put my markers in it, and i cannot wait.


something that is not that exciting at all is lake forest. i am sort of happy to come home only because i missed cable tv and non-disgusting food. but i am not all that excited about the town itself. it is super boring, and the only thing to do is get coffee, with generally i am okay with since getting coffee is my number one favorite thing to do, but there is not even a kean over here. whyyyy is there only one kean in the world? peet's is nice, but i am not always in the mood for a soy latte and that's pretty much all i am comfortable ordering from there. why does everything i write turn into a discussion of coffee?

one last thing i have to say here is that i read a question on metafilter from somebody who can't stop their toddler from saying the word fuck. the solutions people offered are hilarious. everyone generally agreed that the fact that the parents reacted strongly when he/she said it is what made the word "stick" because, come on, what toddler would not absolutely love it if he/she could say one word and get his/her parents jumping around like crazy trying to get him/her to shut up? this was a problem for the OP (original poster - metafilter slang!) because the toddler kept yelling it in target. they lamely tried to cover it up by saying loudly for other shoppers to hear "oh, frog? do you mean frog, sweetie?" but they weren't fooling anybody, at least i do not think that they were. here were some solutions/stories, summarized by me:
- next time you drop something, yell "YOGURT!" or another innocuous word, then cover your mouth and look around guiltily. hopefully the toddler would try this word out next.
- one person said "oh, you want a fork?" and gave her daughter a fork to hold every time she yelled fuck. whenever she yelled shit, she'd say "oh, you want to sit?" and plop her down on the nearest chair. eventually the baby found more interesting ways to exasperate her parents, because sitting on sofas holding silverware is not so fun.
- another poster remembered calling people "dumptrucks" instead of "dumbfucks" as a child
- one parent would suggest less offensive alternatives. for example, when her daughter was throwing a screaming tantrum, she'd say to her husband "well, as long as she doesn't start screaming into the pillow it's alright." so immediately the girl would scream into the pillow, thinking it was more effective. then the parents would say "oh, now she's done it!" and act angry, while enjoying their peace and quiet. hah!
- someone remembered their younger sister would say "fuckyfuck" because she couldn't say "firetruck"
- another mom says that when her child throws a tantrum she sits down with a book and says "looks like you're having a hard time with something there. i know you can work it out, i'll be right here if you need me though." and ignores the tantrum.

maybe nobody else will think these are funny and i only do because i think toddlers are so great and interesting, but picturing a girl on a sofa holding a fork makes me laugh every time!

espresso bubble

when i go out to coffee i never want to leave. this especially happens when it's during the school year. and a lot of times with kelsey. just leave me in kean forever. i could sleep on the couch if that guy with the book would just get up.

sunday school > big church

you don't get to color OR glue at big church. the music is better in the ecc, and there's really only one message that matters anyway.

slightly out of reach

the way i see it #76
the irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating – in work, in play, in love.  the act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as a rational hesitation.  to commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

i love when i read something awesome and then i google it in a search for its source and nothing at all comes up. the fruitless googler. or the unprofitable one. anyways, that means its an original. fruitless googling is a new favorite term.

"sitting in my old bathtub gave me the peace of mind to keep growing stronger every day and progress forward"
i wish i knew that guy.