Sunday, December 28, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
as it turns out...
this is an extension of a couple blogs ago. and yeah, yeah metafilter is great the best thing ever i already am bored of blogging about my huge love for that site. but this question is too good to pass up.
and here are ten of the answers. these are the most of the answers on the thread, and the ones that are the most well-written. well-written answers are the only answers i trust anyway.
i'm putting my two favorite ones first, but i really like them all.
Answer #1
Here's a very unscientific litmus test for figuring out if you've found the right partner: Imagine trying to live without this person: do you feel like you've been punched in the gut? Do you feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world? That's a good sign...Also it really helps if you agree about big items like kids, religion and money...
Answer #2
I remember one day, after I'd spent some time dating the girl I eventually married, thinking, "If she got in a horrible, disfiguring accident or came down with AIDS, I'd still want to be with her as much as I do now." It was quite simple: she was my best friend. Some people have a husband or wife and a different person who is their best friend. I'm not knocking that, if it works, but I don't get it. I knew my wife was The One when I knew she was my best friend.
Answer #3
It took me several years of actually BEING IN a relationship with my partner to decide that I was in it for life. Your concept of love changes the deeper you get into it. People who've been married a long time are great to turn to for inspiration, but not necessarily for advice when it comes to your preliminary game -- their own judgment has become corrupted by the weight of their own personal experience. I'm discovering that now as I try to help my single friends deal with being single and getting un-single.
You may have broken up with your girlfriend unjustly. But who knows? Just keep in mind that not only won't you "just know," even after a feeling of "just knowing" eventually develops, there may pass months or even years in which you have second-thoughts.
When my partner and I had only been dating a couple months in the summertime, he mentioned to me how much he was beginning to look forward to winter, as it was an excellent season to have someone to snuggle and keep warm with. From my unsteady emotional position, I reacted poorly. "Let's just get through the summer," I joked, but he couldn't help hearing the discouragement in my words, and to his credit, really made fun of me for it. It's still one of our jokes, over 5 years later. Whenever one of us blithely comments on some future event we have to look forward to, the other is ever ready with a "Let's just get through the ______(current season)." But by and large, I think this is very healthy -- approaching time in manageable portions is the only way to assess what you have and what you want by any comprehensible terms. Breaking up with someone because you don't see yourself with them in 40 years doesn't speak very well of your imagination. Anything can happen. Let's just get through the summer.
Answer #4
You know, it's hard to come up with a good general policy on Nagging Feelings.
I mean, sometimes they're important signs that you're making a mistake. But sometimes you're doing the right thing, and the feelings are just the inevitable little frustrations bubbling to the surface, or interference from problems in some other area of your life, or bits of self-doubt, general pessimism, or just plain meaningless emotional static that your brain is latching on to. You can't always trust 'em, but you can't always ignore 'em either.
(Corollary: the happily-married people you know? Yes, they've ignored plenty of Nagging Feelings. The ones who will stay happily married, it's because they were lucky or clever and chose the right ones to ignore.)
I find it helps to talk about this stuff with a neutral third party who knows me well. It helps to ask myself point-blank "Is there anything specific in this situation that I want to change, or am I just generally dissatisfied?" And it helps, finally, to make a conscious effort to look on the bright side of the situation, count my blessings, and see if that helps.
But sometimes you can't ever really tell whether the feeling is trustworthy or not. You just have to make a choice and see how it goes. Life is kind of like that, unfortunately.
(In your specific case, I've got two thoughts. Could it be that you loved your girlfriend but had problems in your relationship that you weren't dealing with? Or could it be that you were dissatisfied with your life overall, wanted to change something, and decided a change in relationship status would be the easiest change to make? My experience is that the specific Nagging Feeling you were experiencing — the one that says "You know that kind and beautiful woman over there? You should break up with her!" — often arises out of one of those two situations.)
Answer #5
A lot of people who are happily married and talk about it being love at first sight, or "just knowing" that this person was "the one" and so on may be speaking from confirmation bias. The feelings they have for their spouse and the years invested in their relationship shade their memory and they forget previous boyfriends/girlfriends that also gave them a rushing feeling of "I think this person is it!" And, of course, they married their current spouse and effectively shut the door on feeling like "this person is the One" for anyone else.
When people talking about "just knowing" it's as much about that person being at a time in their life when they're ready to meet and have a relationship with "the One" as it is about that person being "the One."
So don't sweat it.
Answer #6
I think that for most people, most of the time, you never really know for sure. There are a few people who have that instant recognition of "this is my soulmate!" but for most of us, it's complicated, ambiguous, and always conditional. For most people, there simply isn't just one perfect partner -- there are a lot of possible partners, and it takes luck and compromise and a lot of hard work to make something work over the long term.
I love my wife very, very much. But I don't pretend that if we hadn't met that I'd be doomed to a monastic life, or that she would still be sitting there, waiting for me. And neither of us knew instantly that this was the person we'd marry, or even fall in love with. I don't think that usually it is helpful to try and look that far ahead, honestly. There are far more critical, and very pragmatic, day-to-day questions, like Does this person make me smile? Do I want to make the compromises that it would take to make her happy? Things like that, where if you consistently answer one way you have a happy situation, and consistently the other way things aren't going to go happily.
Accrue enough of those small decisions, and you have a relationship built on a really good foundation. But even if the other person is a great person, very compatible, and so on, if you aren't ready for the relationship -- if you aren't ready to do the hard work and make the tough compromises -- then it's not going to work. You need that initial compatibility, or chemistry, call it what you will, but that's just the entry point. Making it work each day after that is where the real work comes in.
(And by "work," I don't mean that it should be a slog, rolling a boulder uphill every day. It's not, and if it feels that way then something's not right. But people change, and life happens, so for a relationship to stay strong and relevant you need to put in real effort, every day, at communicating, and making the other person's life that little bit better, and adapting. It's fun, and amazingly rewarding, but if you blow it off and put all your effort into other areas of your life, you risk waking up one day and realizing that there isn't much connection anymore.)
So no, I think doubt is normal, at the beginning and always. And sometimes the person isn't right, or you aren't right, or the moment just isn't right. None of that makes you a bad person, or means that your decision was wrong. (And even if it was, you can't go back and fix it -- the question is what do you do tomorrow, not what should you have done yesterday.)
Favorite Answer #7
I was a cynic who never believed in romantic comedies or fairy tales, however when I found the one I knew pretty much at the get-go by these tell tale signs;
1) I was scared as hell and ran in the opposite direction. What I felt immediately made me vulnerable in case he didn't feel the same way, and that was very scary for me (and him, he felt the same way).
2) I could totally be myself around this person and it was a-OK, ditto that person was himself and I loved all of it. How liberating, I could be me and he got it!
I've been in love, and loved people before but this was different. It might have been the timing of it all but eight years later we're still on.
Favorite Answer #8
The problem with your question is you're asking it as if it's universal, when it will end up having to be specific for each person who makes the choice for themselves.
No matter how many times AskMe looks at this question, your answer has to be the one you choose. Only you know who you are, and what you need in the person who will essentially be your "other self" in life. You can read these threads to get yourself thinking, but don't expect majority to rule your heart. It doesn't really matter how it works for other people, or how they think it works, or how they say it works on a message board. You make the call, and you live with the consequences.
There may be some universal advice, but I think we make assumptions about generalities, partly based on vague words that are open to many interpretations (like, "love", for instance). Think about how differently people feel about religion, art, and politics, and I'd bet that the experience of love is far from identical across populations. All we can do is advise based on what seems to have worked for our own individual case so far, which means people who found a "perfect match" may later end up divorcing, not having realized they were living in something of a dream world, or people saying you always have to compromise may later meet The One and become true believers. You're as much an expert as anyone, and in the case of your own life, you're the only expert whose opinion counts.
Though, as someone around here once said, don't look for custom fit in an off-the-rack world.
No one is perfect, and they have to put up with your flaws too, so the best partner is someone who understands you and cares, thinks you're just weird enough, laughs at your jokes & makes you laugh, that kind of thing. Basically, remember that it's not settling to partner up with a human being instead of an abstract ideal.
Answer #9
You don't. It's a fallacy promoted by centuries of story-telling, then decades of movies and novels. What people talk about when they talk about 'falling in love at first sight' is the rush of hormones and chemical attraction experienced when you meet someone whose pheromones, physical attributes and everything else push all your buttons.
What does sometimes happen is that you date someone for a while, bimble along with your life and look up six months, a year, a decade later and say 'I literally cannot live without this person, and I'm willing to do anything to protect them and make them happy'.
"She was the kindest, most positive, most beautiful person I've been with."
Yep, sounds like you may have thrown away a great thing. There are no flashing signs, lightning bolts or anything else to tell you what to do. But throwing away a happy relationship because you can't shake the feeling there might be something better out there is a wrong-headed thing to do - I've seen it happen, and it's painful and pointless.
You are operating under a delusion. Stop watching romantic comedies and appreciate the people around you for who and what they are now, not what a lifetime of bad movies has taught you they should be.
Answer #10
When I found someone with whom I could totally be myself, without any reservations whatsoever, that's when I knew I'd found the one. I never have to hide anything from him, I never have to pretend to be smarter or prettier than I am. At the same time, he challenges me to be a better person, like that Jack Nicholson line in As Good as it Gets: "You make me want to be a better man."
maybe i'll react later.
How does one know that they've found the right partner? I don't have my dream job, apartment, body, city... no aspect of my life is exactly what I dream about. But I'm generally happy with my life and I'm thankful for the good things I have.
Yet somehow I came to believe that I should wait for my dream partner... that one day I would be involved with someone and just somehow *know* that they were the one for me. Married friends and family confirm that this is way it should be. Yet I'm suspicious that they are unconsciously cooking the books... forgetting about the serious misgivings they once had now that they've already made the commitment.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of about a year. She was the kindest, most positive, most beautiful person I've been with. The only problem was a nondescript nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it just "wasn't right". It's been 3 months now, and it tears me up to think that I may have given up the best person to come into my life in hopes that a mystical more-perfect one will appear.
Give it to me straight, Mefi. How does one know that they've found someone who is right enough? How does one know if they've set an unreasonable bar of compatibility that no actual human may ever reach?
and here are ten of the answers. these are the most of the answers on the thread, and the ones that are the most well-written. well-written answers are the only answers i trust anyway.
i'm putting my two favorite ones first, but i really like them all.
Answer #1
Here's a very unscientific litmus test for figuring out if you've found the right partner: Imagine trying to live without this person: do you feel like you've been punched in the gut? Do you feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world? That's a good sign...Also it really helps if you agree about big items like kids, religion and money...
Answer #2
I remember one day, after I'd spent some time dating the girl I eventually married, thinking, "If she got in a horrible, disfiguring accident or came down with AIDS, I'd still want to be with her as much as I do now." It was quite simple: she was my best friend. Some people have a husband or wife and a different person who is their best friend. I'm not knocking that, if it works, but I don't get it. I knew my wife was The One when I knew she was my best friend.
Answer #3
It took me several years of actually BEING IN a relationship with my partner to decide that I was in it for life. Your concept of love changes the deeper you get into it. People who've been married a long time are great to turn to for inspiration, but not necessarily for advice when it comes to your preliminary game -- their own judgment has become corrupted by the weight of their own personal experience. I'm discovering that now as I try to help my single friends deal with being single and getting un-single.
You may have broken up with your girlfriend unjustly. But who knows? Just keep in mind that not only won't you "just know," even after a feeling of "just knowing" eventually develops, there may pass months or even years in which you have second-thoughts.
When my partner and I had only been dating a couple months in the summertime, he mentioned to me how much he was beginning to look forward to winter, as it was an excellent season to have someone to snuggle and keep warm with. From my unsteady emotional position, I reacted poorly. "Let's just get through the summer," I joked, but he couldn't help hearing the discouragement in my words, and to his credit, really made fun of me for it. It's still one of our jokes, over 5 years later. Whenever one of us blithely comments on some future event we have to look forward to, the other is ever ready with a "Let's just get through the ______(current season)." But by and large, I think this is very healthy -- approaching time in manageable portions is the only way to assess what you have and what you want by any comprehensible terms. Breaking up with someone because you don't see yourself with them in 40 years doesn't speak very well of your imagination. Anything can happen. Let's just get through the summer.
Answer #4
You know, it's hard to come up with a good general policy on Nagging Feelings.
I mean, sometimes they're important signs that you're making a mistake. But sometimes you're doing the right thing, and the feelings are just the inevitable little frustrations bubbling to the surface, or interference from problems in some other area of your life, or bits of self-doubt, general pessimism, or just plain meaningless emotional static that your brain is latching on to. You can't always trust 'em, but you can't always ignore 'em either.
(Corollary: the happily-married people you know? Yes, they've ignored plenty of Nagging Feelings. The ones who will stay happily married, it's because they were lucky or clever and chose the right ones to ignore.)
I find it helps to talk about this stuff with a neutral third party who knows me well. It helps to ask myself point-blank "Is there anything specific in this situation that I want to change, or am I just generally dissatisfied?" And it helps, finally, to make a conscious effort to look on the bright side of the situation, count my blessings, and see if that helps.
But sometimes you can't ever really tell whether the feeling is trustworthy or not. You just have to make a choice and see how it goes. Life is kind of like that, unfortunately.
(In your specific case, I've got two thoughts. Could it be that you loved your girlfriend but had problems in your relationship that you weren't dealing with? Or could it be that you were dissatisfied with your life overall, wanted to change something, and decided a change in relationship status would be the easiest change to make? My experience is that the specific Nagging Feeling you were experiencing — the one that says "You know that kind and beautiful woman over there? You should break up with her!" — often arises out of one of those two situations.)
Answer #5
A lot of people who are happily married and talk about it being love at first sight, or "just knowing" that this person was "the one" and so on may be speaking from confirmation bias. The feelings they have for their spouse and the years invested in their relationship shade their memory and they forget previous boyfriends/girlfriends that also gave them a rushing feeling of "I think this person is it!" And, of course, they married their current spouse and effectively shut the door on feeling like "this person is the One" for anyone else.
When people talking about "just knowing" it's as much about that person being at a time in their life when they're ready to meet and have a relationship with "the One" as it is about that person being "the One."
So don't sweat it.
Answer #6
I think that for most people, most of the time, you never really know for sure. There are a few people who have that instant recognition of "this is my soulmate!" but for most of us, it's complicated, ambiguous, and always conditional. For most people, there simply isn't just one perfect partner -- there are a lot of possible partners, and it takes luck and compromise and a lot of hard work to make something work over the long term.
I love my wife very, very much. But I don't pretend that if we hadn't met that I'd be doomed to a monastic life, or that she would still be sitting there, waiting for me. And neither of us knew instantly that this was the person we'd marry, or even fall in love with. I don't think that usually it is helpful to try and look that far ahead, honestly. There are far more critical, and very pragmatic, day-to-day questions, like Does this person make me smile? Do I want to make the compromises that it would take to make her happy? Things like that, where if you consistently answer one way you have a happy situation, and consistently the other way things aren't going to go happily.
Accrue enough of those small decisions, and you have a relationship built on a really good foundation. But even if the other person is a great person, very compatible, and so on, if you aren't ready for the relationship -- if you aren't ready to do the hard work and make the tough compromises -- then it's not going to work. You need that initial compatibility, or chemistry, call it what you will, but that's just the entry point. Making it work each day after that is where the real work comes in.
(And by "work," I don't mean that it should be a slog, rolling a boulder uphill every day. It's not, and if it feels that way then something's not right. But people change, and life happens, so for a relationship to stay strong and relevant you need to put in real effort, every day, at communicating, and making the other person's life that little bit better, and adapting. It's fun, and amazingly rewarding, but if you blow it off and put all your effort into other areas of your life, you risk waking up one day and realizing that there isn't much connection anymore.)
So no, I think doubt is normal, at the beginning and always. And sometimes the person isn't right, or you aren't right, or the moment just isn't right. None of that makes you a bad person, or means that your decision was wrong. (And even if it was, you can't go back and fix it -- the question is what do you do tomorrow, not what should you have done yesterday.)
Favorite Answer #7
I was a cynic who never believed in romantic comedies or fairy tales, however when I found the one I knew pretty much at the get-go by these tell tale signs;
1) I was scared as hell and ran in the opposite direction. What I felt immediately made me vulnerable in case he didn't feel the same way, and that was very scary for me (and him, he felt the same way).
2) I could totally be myself around this person and it was a-OK, ditto that person was himself and I loved all of it. How liberating, I could be me and he got it!
I've been in love, and loved people before but this was different. It might have been the timing of it all but eight years later we're still on.
Favorite Answer #8
The problem with your question is you're asking it as if it's universal, when it will end up having to be specific for each person who makes the choice for themselves.
No matter how many times AskMe looks at this question, your answer has to be the one you choose. Only you know who you are, and what you need in the person who will essentially be your "other self" in life. You can read these threads to get yourself thinking, but don't expect majority to rule your heart. It doesn't really matter how it works for other people, or how they think it works, or how they say it works on a message board. You make the call, and you live with the consequences.
There may be some universal advice, but I think we make assumptions about generalities, partly based on vague words that are open to many interpretations (like, "love", for instance). Think about how differently people feel about religion, art, and politics, and I'd bet that the experience of love is far from identical across populations. All we can do is advise based on what seems to have worked for our own individual case so far, which means people who found a "perfect match" may later end up divorcing, not having realized they were living in something of a dream world, or people saying you always have to compromise may later meet The One and become true believers. You're as much an expert as anyone, and in the case of your own life, you're the only expert whose opinion counts.
Though, as someone around here once said, don't look for custom fit in an off-the-rack world.
No one is perfect, and they have to put up with your flaws too, so the best partner is someone who understands you and cares, thinks you're just weird enough, laughs at your jokes & makes you laugh, that kind of thing. Basically, remember that it's not settling to partner up with a human being instead of an abstract ideal.
Answer #9
You don't. It's a fallacy promoted by centuries of story-telling, then decades of movies and novels. What people talk about when they talk about 'falling in love at first sight' is the rush of hormones and chemical attraction experienced when you meet someone whose pheromones, physical attributes and everything else push all your buttons.
What does sometimes happen is that you date someone for a while, bimble along with your life and look up six months, a year, a decade later and say 'I literally cannot live without this person, and I'm willing to do anything to protect them and make them happy'.
"She was the kindest, most positive, most beautiful person I've been with."
Yep, sounds like you may have thrown away a great thing. There are no flashing signs, lightning bolts or anything else to tell you what to do. But throwing away a happy relationship because you can't shake the feeling there might be something better out there is a wrong-headed thing to do - I've seen it happen, and it's painful and pointless.
You are operating under a delusion. Stop watching romantic comedies and appreciate the people around you for who and what they are now, not what a lifetime of bad movies has taught you they should be.
Answer #10
When I found someone with whom I could totally be myself, without any reservations whatsoever, that's when I knew I'd found the one. I never have to hide anything from him, I never have to pretend to be smarter or prettier than I am. At the same time, he challenges me to be a better person, like that Jack Nicholson line in As Good as it Gets: "You make me want to be a better man."
maybe i'll react later.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
ohh nevermind, i totally will blog about it
i love human relations. i read so much askmefi and dear abby and postsecret and letters to the editor, and today i just realized that those things are weirdly educational. i have a broad understanding of human emotion as a result, and sometimes it helps me classify my own, which i appreciate now that ive been exposed to depths of emotional confusion i never knew could exist.
you know, i don't want to be a cynic, but honestly! "my wife and i were fighting and suddenly i realized i might not love her." "my girlfriend just left me and i don't feel sad, just numb. is this normal?" "my partner and i are looking at possible separation for a year and a half, how do we cope?" and my most recent favorite: "alls fair in love and war?"
there are too many things to think about within relationships. if anything, metafilter has taught me that love isnt so....lovey. it's not that unwavering love at first sight everlasting smooth sailing love. this realization discourages me by 50% and encourages me by the other 50. part of me is just severely disappointed. how could disney be so deceiving? but, the other part of me is like "thank god, it's like this for everyone." everyone has those days where you just don't care and it feels like too much work and "obviously this isn't meant to be because it shouldn't be this hard." if it's love, it won't take work? is that a misconception? i think the willingness to work, the desire to see an issue through, to be sure, might be what it takes.
and thinking about it now, i'm realizing my life experiences and the life experiences of those i know really back this up. i remember the "i don't know if he is someone i want to marry, i think i should break up with him." and even the more recent "i just don't feel like hanging out with him tonight, thats a bad sign." and both girls who said those things are in perfectly successful relationships with the same guys who had previously sparked those doubts.
metafilter lesson: relationships are hard to do.
but for those of us with the beauty and the beast syndrome, the retriever-barnacle gene, askmefi is harsh. harsh, harsh. DTMFA is probably the most commonly used response within the human relationships section of metafilter. dear abby is even harsher,
well shit, abby. yeah, that does seem negative. and no, i am not sure that i will forgive you. "And if you're smart, you won't turn it into a competition. You'll look for an unencumbered man who can give you what you need." well, what if she isn't smart? what if breaking up with her self identified soul mate based on a potential problem and looking for an 'unencumbered' one isn't that easy? maybe sometimes you just get ripped off and your soulmate happens to be....encumbered!
see, i have more of an issue with abby. because first of all, she has been letting me down for years. yes, i have been reading dear abby since i was eight (and yes, it was very confusing to me before i learned what sex was). anyways, ann landers was so much more sympathetic. as hard as metafilter is on MFAs, at least there are always one or two people who post an encouraging anecdote and remind the person that their feelings are valid, albeit, illogical/self-destructive. but with abby, you don't get that. you get her harsh judgement of the niece who still hasn't mailed those thank you notes ten months after the wedding (maybe shes too depressed to address the envelopes after reading dear abby, that's gotta be hard on a newlywed) and her quick dismissal of relationships, like it's so easy. if abigail van buren weren't such a lady, i bet she'd answer every question in her column with "If you're smart, you'll DTMFA, dear."
as much as i've learned from all this human relation medium, i'll never forget the line from the classic mary-kate and ashley olsen movie "it takes two" (do not play like you haven't seen it. almost every girl i know went through an olsen twins obsession..more on this later.)
"It's got to be that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff, right?"
right.
you know, i don't want to be a cynic, but honestly! "my wife and i were fighting and suddenly i realized i might not love her." "my girlfriend just left me and i don't feel sad, just numb. is this normal?" "my partner and i are looking at possible separation for a year and a half, how do we cope?" and my most recent favorite: "alls fair in love and war?"
there are too many things to think about within relationships. if anything, metafilter has taught me that love isnt so....lovey. it's not that unwavering love at first sight everlasting smooth sailing love. this realization discourages me by 50% and encourages me by the other 50. part of me is just severely disappointed. how could disney be so deceiving? but, the other part of me is like "thank god, it's like this for everyone." everyone has those days where you just don't care and it feels like too much work and "obviously this isn't meant to be because it shouldn't be this hard." if it's love, it won't take work? is that a misconception? i think the willingness to work, the desire to see an issue through, to be sure, might be what it takes.
and thinking about it now, i'm realizing my life experiences and the life experiences of those i know really back this up. i remember the "i don't know if he is someone i want to marry, i think i should break up with him." and even the more recent "i just don't feel like hanging out with him tonight, thats a bad sign." and both girls who said those things are in perfectly successful relationships with the same guys who had previously sparked those doubts.
metafilter lesson: relationships are hard to do.
but for those of us with the beauty and the beast syndrome, the retriever-barnacle gene, askmefi is harsh. harsh, harsh. DTMFA is probably the most commonly used response within the human relationships section of metafilter. dear abby is even harsher,
DEAR ABBY: From the very beginning of my relationship with my boyfriend, "Rusty," I have known he was my soulmate. During one of our conversations about marriage, the subject arose of who comes first in a marriage -- the wife or the children. I was brought up to believe that the wife should come first, but Rusty disagrees. Rusty insists the children should come first.
Abby, am I wrong in my thinking? What happened to a man and a woman becoming one? Oh, by the way, Rusty has a 10-year-old girl from a previous relationship. -- WONDERING IN HOT SPRINGS, ARK.
DEAR WONDERING: Forgive me if this seems negative, but while you may "know" that Rusty is your soulmate, I am not convinced. If the discussion you mentioned came about because of Rusty's daughter, then he has made clear to you who comes first. And if you're smart, you won't turn it into a competition. You'll look for an unencumbered man who can give you what you need.
well shit, abby. yeah, that does seem negative. and no, i am not sure that i will forgive you. "And if you're smart, you won't turn it into a competition. You'll look for an unencumbered man who can give you what you need." well, what if she isn't smart? what if breaking up with her self identified soul mate based on a potential problem and looking for an 'unencumbered' one isn't that easy? maybe sometimes you just get ripped off and your soulmate happens to be....encumbered!
see, i have more of an issue with abby. because first of all, she has been letting me down for years. yes, i have been reading dear abby since i was eight (and yes, it was very confusing to me before i learned what sex was). anyways, ann landers was so much more sympathetic. as hard as metafilter is on MFAs, at least there are always one or two people who post an encouraging anecdote and remind the person that their feelings are valid, albeit, illogical/self-destructive. but with abby, you don't get that. you get her harsh judgement of the niece who still hasn't mailed those thank you notes ten months after the wedding (maybe shes too depressed to address the envelopes after reading dear abby, that's gotta be hard on a newlywed) and her quick dismissal of relationships, like it's so easy. if abigail van buren weren't such a lady, i bet she'd answer every question in her column with "If you're smart, you'll DTMFA, dear."
as much as i've learned from all this human relation medium, i'll never forget the line from the classic mary-kate and ashley olsen movie "it takes two" (do not play like you haven't seen it. almost every girl i know went through an olsen twins obsession..more on this later.)
"It's got to be that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of stuff, right?"
right.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
holding my scissors
ive been reading about stress. its good for you sometimes, but its supposed to go away quickly. and if it doesnt for a long time, you can have problems. terrible, terrible problems. like passing out. or not feeling hungry. or not feeling hungry and then passing out.
tomorrow im going to alta with kelsey to work on....THE TAKE HOME FINAL! yes, im still really excited about it. i still cant figure out why though, i think my brain made some kind of unconscious link from my class/race/gender final to happiness because i was feeling happy when it was passed out.
usually i dont like christmas break because i like living here and i like school and i dont like moving all my things to twenty minutes away. but this time i ready. i am very tired. and i am ready for another year.
i like "i'm in a booth it's almost twelve your favorite denny's. another year, i need a sundae.." but i want to change it to "i need a sunday" because i think a sunday morning would make me feel better than a sundae the ice cream kind. especially from denny's. i have never actually eaten a sundae from denny's but im thinking that they taste about as great as everything else at denny's: not great at all.
when i hear people talking like "im at the end of my rope" it makes me wonder, is there really an end of the rope? i think it might be a neverending rope. or maybe people have different lengths of rope. but it might just be neverending for everyone. and maybe instead of coming to the end of the rope, we cut the rope. so it might be more accurate to say "im about to cut my rope" because thats what its really all about.
tomorrow im going to alta with kelsey to work on....THE TAKE HOME FINAL! yes, im still really excited about it. i still cant figure out why though, i think my brain made some kind of unconscious link from my class/race/gender final to happiness because i was feeling happy when it was passed out.
usually i dont like christmas break because i like living here and i like school and i dont like moving all my things to twenty minutes away. but this time i ready. i am very tired. and i am ready for another year.
i like "i'm in a booth it's almost twelve your favorite denny's. another year, i need a sundae.." but i want to change it to "i need a sunday" because i think a sunday morning would make me feel better than a sundae the ice cream kind. especially from denny's. i have never actually eaten a sundae from denny's but im thinking that they taste about as great as everything else at denny's: not great at all.
when i hear people talking like "im at the end of my rope" it makes me wonder, is there really an end of the rope? i think it might be a neverending rope. or maybe people have different lengths of rope. but it might just be neverending for everyone. and maybe instead of coming to the end of the rope, we cut the rope. so it might be more accurate to say "im about to cut my rope" because thats what its really all about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)